The Nurses’ Home
The General Hospital, Birmingham
March 21st 1915
My own dear Husband-to-be
I was very glad to hear from you this morning.
It was not the fact that you had neglected to write that upset me, for until I got your letter I had not thought anything but that you had been too busy or overtired and so I did not mind – it was the fact that it should require such an enormous effort on your part to do so – such a bore, as it were.
You admit in your letter that it was conscious laziness on your part. I admired your honesty at the time but you can imagine my pride was hurt to know that it can be such a trouble to you to write to me. If you had done it unconsciously or thoughtlessly it would have been easy to forgive but to have done it deliberately, you say as much yourself, is what I could not and cannot understand.
I do forgive you, dear, but it has taken half the joy that I have had in writing to you myself. I have felt for some time past that is has often been an effort for you to write to me, and when I have written you long letters like that of Sunday last the idea has been at the back of my mind “I am sure that will bring a response”. But no, I can lay my very soul bare to you, and all the reply I got was that you were too lazy to write.
It was humiliating to say the least of it. But it is a man’s nature I have so often been told to take all he can get and give very little in return. I do not mean this as strongly as I have worded it because I dont think your nature is like this as much as most men’s are. Perhaps it is just as well that this should have happened, it is not wise to idealize people.
After I have said all this, Cyril, I confess I have put rather too much weight on the whole thing but have done so intentionally because I want you, dear, to realize that it is the little things that matter. This is just what Father never understood, but it was thoughtlessness on his part at first, and Mother was too proud to tell him that she minded, and then what was at first thoughtlessness became habit and so their happiness was wrecked.
It is because I love you that I can write like this, “perfect love castelte out fear”, and at the risk of incurring your anger I write as I have done because I feel it is the most candid thing to do.
I understand perfectly dear that when you wrote you thought the best thing to do was to be honest with me and I appreciate and did appreciate the fact that you did not excuse yourself.
You always say, dear Heart, that when I do anything I shouldn’t I am very hard on myself, judge myself hardly, now you’ll see that I am even harder on other people!
To end this discussion let me assure you that I have not felt that it was a matter for forgiveness for you’ve erred against yourself more than against me, but you ask me to write my forgiveness so I give it you with all my heart’s love – and don’t think I wish you in future to write to me every spare moment you have, all I want is that when you do write to write to me naturally and spontaneously. I’d rather be without news for a month if the effort to write twice a week is too great.
Instead of being up all last night I took night duty on Friday night, because the night nurse was taking an exam: on the Saturday so had her night off on the Friday instead.
We had four cases, a goitre, then three bad accident cases, for operation for crushed hand, for fractured femur and scalp wounds, and the last was a depressed fracture of the skull and had to be treplined.
Accident cases take longer than any as they are not prepared for operation before being brought to the theatre and in the case of head accidents the head has to be shaved - and oh – horrors – all three patients were very much in need of a bath and evidently never washed their heads.
I got into bed at 4.30 am but was not called until 11.am and went on duty about 11.45. The worst of it is that the day nurses are stirring soon after 5.30. so I got no sleep at all. Some even burst into my room at intervals, for being a different night they did not know I had been taking night duty. Then at 6.30 – they rush past your door on the stone corridor and down the stone stairs to breakfast. Then you think, “now I shall have some peace”. Not a bit of it. Someone who has a day off begins to make a clatter going to the bath! Then the linen room nurses go to 2nd breakfast at 8. o’clock and come up at 8.30 to make their beds. 8.30 is also the hour for the staff nurses to come over to change their aprons and make their beds, the senior nurses come over at 9 - and the juniors at 9.30.
At 10 those having morning passes come over to the home! And as the noise goes on the whole morning!
When I got on Mr Gamgee was just going to operate, a knee case, and we had two in the afternoon. When the RSO saw me he jokingly said he was sick and tired of seeing me about, it was he who operated in the night.
His next words were “Well, Nurse if I felt as tired as you look I shouldn’t be able to stand up.” I thought it was easy to sympathise but he didn’t suggest me going back to bed again!!!
We have got some very heavy cases for tomorrow, amongst them excision of tongue. I dislike seeing this done and excision of jaw is worse.
By the way when I am Matron of a big hospital, I am going to have men nurses for some men’s cases. Since I have been in the theatre I have seen so much that could easily be done by men that we nurses have to do, that I have altered my opinion which used to be against male nurses, and consider that in many instances it would be a good plan especially where there are very young probationers for some of the operations to be done on men to be assisted by male nurses.
I am older than most probationers and so my mind is not affected in the same way, but I have heard young nurses discussing their theatre work in a most revolting way.
Mind you I think a nurse ought to know by the end of her training how to assist at any sort of operation, but at the same time, I do not see that it is necessary if men nurses could be had for them to have to assist at some of them.
These views of mine are between you and me and the deep sea. This morning some RAMC men were in the theatre learning instruments, and it occurred to me then that these ambulance sergeants etc. learn how to assist at operations, so why should not other men be trained in theatre work.
I don’t think they would be so good afterwards to nurse the patient back to health, but the case could be handed over to the nurses after leaving the theatre.
Of course, against my theory there is the argument that one knows how to nurse a case better if one understands the operation. In the kind of case I mean this does not really apply because the men dressers would dress the wound and the nursing part of most surgical cases is very much the same.
Oh – I should have a very original hospital if I were put in charge!
By the way, dear, have you any objection to young men offering to buy my hair!?
- went to the hair dressers to have my hair singed and cut and the man said “Excuse me – Madam – but may I ask if you save all the combings from your hair”? said “No – I don’t”. He then said he would be very much obliged if would allow him to buy my combings, adding that he did not wish to flatter me but that my hair is of very unusual feature and a peculiar shade of dull brown, and that he would like to make up a wig of it to sell! was immensely tickled, but not being of a commercial frame of mind I told him he could have the combings for a present. The consequence was he hardly charged me anything for doing my hair!
Now my dear boy – do you realize what a valuable wife you’ve got or rather going to have – a veritable gold mine. Every hair of whose head is worth its weight in gold! We need never be short of cash old fellow, for I shall just run out and sell a hair, when funds are running low!
I must end now dear as I have an appointment in the Clinical room to practise testing with one of the nurses. I keep forgetting you are not a doctor, as a matter of fact you must consider the previous sentence unwritten.
I went to Chapel before writing this so am spending a varied evening. Did you know that Barabbas’ name was also Jesus? The clergyman told us tonight that his name was Jesus, the son of Abbas.
Sammy (Nurse Sampson) has put a lovely white rose in water on my table, and some daffodils and narcissi. I presume it is she, she is my good fairy here and I am hardly ever without flowers.
With much love, dear One. I wish you were somewhere near so that I could give you a kiss, and I wish more than anything that we could always be together so that when misunderstandings occur it will not take so long to clear them up.
Ever your devoted
Mela
