Sisters’ Quarters, University House
Birmingham
June 15th/1915
My own dear Cyril
We are very slack this afternoon so Sister says I may sit down for an hour or so and write or read, and I am glad of the opportunity because I wanted to write today but had no time this morning in my “off duty” because I went into town to hurry them up with my photos. They’ve promised faithfully to let me have them tomorrow morning and I will send you a copy at once in the hope of it reaching you on Thurs: morning before you leave. If you can get pc copies of the photo of the officers I should like to have one.
I hear that in exceptional cases one can sign on here for 6 months and renew for another six months. I think I shall ask to be allowed to do this – because then if events should necessitate me completing my nursing training I should then be free to take it up with the idea of getting a certificate at the earliest possible date. Don’t think me unfeeling Sweetheart to plan everything as I do – only I want to be in a position to be of practical use to you should you be incapacitated and to be of real use I must be certificated.
You said I was not to blame the men too much who are diseased. I think you know by now that I should be the last person in the world to be rash or harsh in passing judgement on anyone. But to show you how this is dealt with I find that no sisters or nurses are allowed in their ward which is a “lock” ward which means closed, and only orderlies are permitted in - and chiefly the men have to wait on each other. My principal feeling about them is intense pity because I give them the benefit of the doubt and say to myself it may be inherited and I would never by look or word show that I even knew. If it is not inherited then I feel it is chiefly due to ignorance arising from their parents neglecting to point out and unleash a desire to overcome and not give way to their passions. It was the only thing in your letter I felt a little bit hurt about, although of course, darling, I know you did not mean to hurt me. I think you’ll find that I have very strong feelings about these things and probably express myself strongly, but at the same time I am sufficiently human to understand and to wish to help to rectify the evil.
I’ve had a horrid headache for several days, a nervous headache due I imagine to the strain of knowing you are going although I try not to worry overmuch and I appear outwardly removed.
I have only heard once from Badsey since I left. Of course I’ve only written once and a postcard as well. So I must try and find time to write them another letter. I also owe Kath a letter. I will write to Gibraltar on the chance of letters reaching you there and to Malta.
You are lucky in having Malta as your base, it is a beautiful spot and you’ll [???] 2 yrs old we were wrecked off Malta but were towed safely to land.
Must stop writing now dear. If I hear again from you tonight and there is any need for a hurried answer I’ll write again tonight and post first thing in the morning.
God bless you – dear One. I feel with you more than ever on further consideration of the matter that our marriage must be a real union with intent to bring a child into the world. It would be a great comfort to me to have it to care for if you should be taken from me.
We must wait and see what will be best when the time comes. All I want you to know really is that I am ready here waiting for you when you want me. All my heart’s love and a kiss.
From
Your devoted
Mela
5 pm – Tea-time
Your letter to hand. Darling, I did feel you call me on Sunday night but said nothing about it because it was not so near as the time before and I was afraid it might be my imagination. The reason you did not think it was successful was because I did not entirely give myself up to the influence of the moment, thinking it to be my imagination and not wishing to force it when perhaps it was not a fact that you were calling me.
Later in the night I dreamt that I was sitting down in a room unknown to me, very plainly furnished in a deck chair and you knelt beside me with your head in my lap. You had broken down and I nearly went frantic not knowing how to comfort you. It was awful because it seemed so real.
Thank you dearest very much for the library subscription. It will be a great boon to me and help me to pass many a lonely hour.
I’ll write for you to hear on Thursday if possible.
Must away now.
